Naruto x FF7 FF9 wtf?
by halfdelita
Summary: crossover as the cast from 7 and 9 crash in the village hidden in the leaves! chaos, bloodshed, mayhem!
1. Chapter 1

x-over, ff7 meets naruto

**x-over ff7 v.s naruto (-wtf mode)**

All characters killed in this fanfic are automatically revived at the end, courtesy of GAH (Ghost of Aeris Holy)

After wandering in the Mist and fighting mist-monsters for ages, the crew stumbled across the village hidden in the leaves. They as the entered the thrown-open gates, the sound of crying greeted them. Snatches of bitchy gossipy voices drifted into their ears, buoyed by gusts of wind. "Ten mouths to feed, and not a single…" "All my husband cares about is his carpenter jutsu…" "Have to tolerate them I suppose… Gotta remember what we loved about them in the first place.." "The village has visito…." The shadowy figures which were gathered about what passed for the town square vanished abruptly, as if they were never there.

The eerie silence that followed was broken by loud rambunctious laughter, which could only belong to Naruto Uzumaki. It was quickly echoed by chattering younger voices, as 2 of the 3-person ninja teams came into view – Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura ; Shikamaru, Ino, Choji, TenTen was also tagging along because Rock and Neji were out - they were closely followed by their understudy kids – Konohamaru and his crew.

They stopped short, having too much fun to notice the battle-hardened Avalanche members before they almost walked into them.

"Whoa! Who the Hell are You Guys?" Naruto looked gapingly at the newcomers.

"Careful Naruto.. They might be part of the Hidden Swordsmen from the Mist.. Remember Zabuzak? He had that big sword too!" Sakura looked worried as she reached for a kunai – an action which Sasuke quickly copied.

"Hmm.. They certainly don't LOOK like part of the Jehova Reunion…"

Cloud narrowed his twin azure mako-radiated eyes to slits, and shifted the grip on his Buster sword. Sure, they looked like kids, barely into their teens, but who knew what the Jehova's Witnesses looked like under their mysterious lily-like flitting cloaks? The seemed the right height.. though their mannerisms were hardly zombielike like those they saw climbing the winding cliff-face.

Red Xiii, the ever suspicious feline, cast sense on them, and shouted "They got MP reserves! These are no ordinary humans!" Trigger-happy Ci promptly poked his spear at the nearest 'Jehovist', a female with her hair done up in twin buns, only to be met with a steely spear of equal caliber, which she produced from seemingly nowhere in a spiral of paper.

Tifa took a quick right jab at the kid in white and blue, seemingly the most sullen of them all, but quickly pulled her hands away as he cupped his hand to his mouth and blew a sphere of flame, making her fireproofed gloves smoulder and burst into tiny pinpricks of flame. She blew on them quickly.

Seeing the demostration of 'hostile magic', all holds were off and Cait danced about, casting Ice2 on all the enemies while hyped-up Yuffie buffed up the party with Haste. The shinobi were no amateurs to combat and.. deciding that they were being attacked by the Mist Swordmen 7 after all, spared no chakra in executing their own jutsus.

Sheer chaos ensured.

Naruto, deciding that the sword-swinging boy was more of a threat than the stuffed puppet, did his shadow clone jutsu and charged him, one of his clones herding Konohamaru to the relative safety of the Cliffs. Cloud blocked the first orange jumpsuited clone, then the second, and the one after that, but the rest of them got under him, and kicked him into the air, and then they made a makeshift platform and boosted Naruto in the air.. he slammed the spiky haired soldier painfully to the ground triumphantly. "Naruto Uzumaki Barrage!"

Thinking that he had won, Naruto and his shadow clones simulantaneously turned to fight the other members of Avalanche, but Cloud sorta started glowing and with declaring "Omnislash!", he rushed forward like an unstoppable juggernaut and slashed each clone, impossibly quick, causing them all to poof.

Meanwhile Shikamaru was executing his shadow possession jutsu on Red Xiii and pale-skinned Vincent at the same time. They tried to counter when they saw his rapid finger movements - obviously casting magic - but found that they could not move.

"Ugh im stopped!" Vincent looked disgusted and amused at the same time that a kid could cast such a high level spell.. He could only do slow, and he was supposed to be a highly trained (highly paid) Turk. Yuffie threw her conformer at Shikamaru, forcing him to duck, and releasing the jutsu before he could shadow-strangle them, but in doing so, she made herself a sitting duck for Ino's possession jutsu.

Ino went down and formed a circle with her ten fingers, thumbs down touching, and widened her eyes, her consciousness soaring into Yuffie's. She found herself in the slim girl's body and ya-taa-ed, then proceeded to catch the conformer which came back, and throw it at the unsuspecting duo, who were busy casting Cosmo Memory and transforming into Hellmasker respectively - taking both heads! (wtf?)

Sakura shrieked as the blood splattered onto the stone pathway and screamed even louder as the real Naruto was slashed savagely, nearly turning him into half. She forced dire thoughts out of her mind and concentrated on her palms, which were soon suffused in a warm green glow, and placed them over the nasty wound. Naruto's heartbeat grew fainter... and fainter... Sakura focused on when she healed the dead fish, and willed the dying Naruto to flop. (huh wtf?) But then she felt another presence in her patient... the NineTails Chakra awakened and Naruto's pupils shrunk to tiny pinpricks, and he tapped on the suddenly-enormous chakra reserves to summon the gigantic boss frog, Gamabunta, just as Jiraya taught him.

Both parties froze as the towering shadow loomed across them, as the badass pipe-toting toad appeared. But Barret just laughed manacially and lobbed his considerable stash of ammunition and explosive at it, "Catastrophe!" It blew up, along with Naruto and Sakura. Assorted icky guts showered the onlookers. (wtf!)

The score was now 2:2, with a slight advantage to the Genin, who were on home ground. Realizing that the man with the machine-gun arm and the guy with the spiky sword were the strongest threat. Sasuke charged up his chidori, taught by Kakashi, their teacher, the copy-ninja, while everyone was distracted by the shower of guts.

When they looked around to see what was causing the flickering glow reflected on each other.. Sasuke was running forward with a chirping ball of lightning energy in his hand, and a slightly manical look in his eye. He blew an irreparable hole in both Barret and Cloud's bodies, plowing through them like they were made of cotton. (wtf...)

Tifa gaped at the sight and used w-item, two phoenix downs, attempting to revive them, but Shikamaru spotted this and threw a couple of shruikens at her. She executed a perfect dolphin blow, reversing the trajectory of the projectiles and neatly impaling Shikamaru on the tree. Through his Chunin vest, effectively ending his life. As the two members of Avalanche revived they shelled themselves seeing how their opponents didn't use much physical attacks but depended on magic.

Unfortunately, Choji popped a couplva pills and expanded to almost Gamabunta's size, and squashed all three of them into neat pancakes. (wtf!!) Choji felt a little ashamed. He hadn't really contributed much to the fight - he was playing slots with The Dark Lord Sith-Reeve, even though he was on the light team, (wtf??) but here he was, having the top kills of the lot. The silly ks-er.

Suddenly he felt ill and exploded. Maybe he shouldnt have taken more than one pill at a time. Cait was taking a deep breath to blow into the megaphone at Choji but a couplva of potent Cho-pills flew into his mouth and he accidently swallowed, and promptly exploded too. (w…t…f)

That left TenTen and Cid as the only survivors, and they decided to play with more interesting spears than those they were currently wielding (wtfxx).

Seeing the battle was over..? The ghost of Aeris floated up and revived both the ninjas and Avalanche with Great Gospel, summoning a pair of Cherubs to return life to them. She didn't really need to revive the ninjas, but she did so anyway, cos she was such a sucker for being nice. (wtffff)

Another disappointing end to a story with a great beginning.

+）

cheers

halfdelita


	2. Chapter 2

Naruto Vs FF

**Naruto Vs FF **

**Pt 2**

Finding himself alive again, and not seeing the Aeris hovering over him, Cloud promptly junctioned Phoenix Flame to his Final Attack, and Cast Knights of the Round, hoping to take them all out in one fell blow. Unfortunately, the first two of the knights with the spinning mace and revolving bastard sword took off their helmets when they came in, and .. (wtf.) it was Neiji and Rock. Fortunately, they didn't (read couldn't) turn on the Summoner so they just sorta blushed and had the decency to look embarrassed while the rest of the ninja's gaped at them..

"We were running short on funds, cos Genin E-class missions don't really bring in a lot of dough…Gai sensei always said the exuberant energy of the youth will find a solution for anything!" He raised a thick bushy brow and gave a scintillating grin, and a thumbs up. The exact replica of his sensei.

Neji simply shrugged. "The jounin didn't let me kill Hinata, so I had to take it out on something else."

Suddenly, Zidane, Garnet and Eiko appeared, looking tired and sweaty, Gaara, Temari and Sasori were hot on their heels. In the space of moments, Gaara had Eiko in the grip of his sand and squeezed, Temari had Garnet shredded in her Iron Fan cyclone, and Sasori had Zidane poisoned and paralysed by his puppet.

Unfortunately, the 3 from the Village Hidden in the Sand were ambushed by Vivi, Amarant and Quina while they will efficiently taking out the lovers and the kid. Unfortunately, Vivi's first spell was 'sleep'. So while Temari and Sasori were nodding away, the sand demon inside dream Gaara awakened and ripped the twin glowing yellow eyes out of Vivi, accidently broke every since bone in Amarant's body with its tail, and was rumbling towards Quina.

Unfortunately, teal-skinned Quina eats everything under the sun, so it simply tossed the sleeping Temari and Sasori into the pot, chopped up the puppet for wood, and used the fan as bellows to stoke the fire. We will never know how he ate the sand demon, for the words 'Devour command, Censored, Pls Standby' Appeared on the screen and it showed some songbirds chirping on the branches.

Apparently the rest of the spectators from the previous fight saw, and for they were all paler than Vincent, or vomiting violently like Yuffie on the Highwind, or Sakura after she saw the butterfly boy squash his own heart.

Yuffie promptly summoned Levithian to wash away the mess, but Levithian correctly identified two of the Knights Around as hostile, therefore attacked Cloud as well. Cloud was pounded and smooshed against some rocks by the waves, (the knights were unharmed cos their stainless steel armor was too heavy to sweep away) but then his final attack kicked in and revived him, and evaporated some of the water in a hiss of steam, which attracted the attention of Orochimaru, who appeared and extended his neck, looping round and round and biting all the genin, giving them all curse marks – he would have bit the Avalanche and the Tantalus members too, but Sephi-sama (see first fanfic) appeared and smacked him hard on the thigh with Masamune.

Orochimaru growled and promptly reached into his throat for his snake-sword, and duelled awhile with Sephi-sama, but this was kinda difficult cos Sephi was flying and had the clear upper hand. So he summoned his giant snake and Muahahahha'ed, but Sephi-sama summoned Jehova and Muahahahha'ed right back. So it was pretty much a stalemate.

Revived Naruto then tried to summon Gamabunta but only Gamakichi and his cousin came out. "Yo boss man's getting patched up right now yo." Which was just as well cos kichi gave a real good idea – If that spikey chicken-haired guy can revive why don't we ask him to –whisper whisper mumble mumble-

Dragging Cloud into the ramen shop, tailed closely by the two frogs, they ignored the spectacle of the epic battle of the century Sephi-sama vs Orochi / Jehova vs Giant Snake.

Without attracting anyone's attention, they came out shaking hands concluding the deal, (Naruto's froggy purse noticeably lighter) and sneaked aboard the Highwind, where Cid and TenTen were.. umm… horizontally entangled. Letting them in on the plan, the Highwind took off.

After many many hours of non-stop fighting, the spectators were getting bored of the Flare, Snake swarm, Firaga, Poison Nova, etcetc. And other pyrotechnics. Just then, they were distracted by the sound of chopper wings – the Highwind landed and the spectators on the Shinobi side gasped! Zabuzak, Haiku, Raiken, Jiraya and the Sound 5, including Kimimaro were offloaded. Naturally, they started fighting 4v4. (They didn't fight on the boat because of no spectators.

Kimimaro furiously rushed towards Naruto and Knight Rock, and the remains of Gaara. "Bah, Gangbang. You took 3 to wear me out and beat me. You don't stand a chance against me one-on-one cowards! Its time for my revenge!!" With that he spiked the ground trying to impale them both, but his spikes clanged and was reflected on the armor and Naruto jumped onto Knight Rock and hugged him for his dear life.

Meanwhile, ghosty Aeris revived the Sand 3, and whoever else was dead, and cos he didn't want her boyfriend to be rendering her role obsolete, bashed Cloud hard on the head with the Princess Guard. As he slunk to the ground unconscious, he was pierced by Kimimaro's spikey dance and died, but his Final Attack kicked in again – kudos for getting FA to level two Cloud – and he revived himself, and the rest of the ninjas, Avalanche, and Tantalus, whoever were accidently killed for being bystanders by that massive AOE spike dance, being a compulsive leader he invited everyone he met to his party via PHS, even Sephi-sama --.

Seppy-sama and Orochimaru stamped their feet on the giant snake and Jehova respectively in frustration, grinding their teeth. They were supposed to be the epic bosses, the spectators attention should be riveted on them and not some silly dead ghost killed ages ago and some skeleton dug up from someone's closet.

Jiraya, of the legendary Sanin, stepped in then, and looked at the sky. Its getting dark kids, time to pack up and turn in… He summoned the impregnable Mountain Toad's belly, imprisoning Seppy-sama and Orochimaru inside for eternity – or until the next time the village got bored and were in need of large-scale entertainment – or until he needed to impress some chicks – and sent it back – Jehova, snake and all, into the inaccessible obscure regions of some mountain.

So it would have ended happily ever after, if not for Cid and TenTen, who were still making out on the Highwind passionately. They rolled over and over, hands not getting enough of feeling, lips glued to each other, and accidently pressed the red button which-must-not-be-pressed. 'Nuclear Launch detected' came in bored sounding tones, and a kazillion nuclear warheads were fired from the Highwind onto the horrified faces of everyone…

Aeris clapped her hands happily as she cast Great Gospel again on the smoking devastation of mushrooms clouds.

END.


End file.
